i already hear my dad disowning me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
