I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
