Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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