It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize