new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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