yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
