Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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