I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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