he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
