My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
