What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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