You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
