did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
