Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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