My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
