So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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