why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
