So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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