Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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