She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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