I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
