got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
