Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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