then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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