I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
