just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
