She is in my trunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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