im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize