His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
