Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
