So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
