Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
