Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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