There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
