I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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