the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
