my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
