Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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