They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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