I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
