when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize