just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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