My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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