brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
