But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize