no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
