we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
