Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
