I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
