I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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