the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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