So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
