We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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