She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
