I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
