There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize