i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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