you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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