Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
