Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
