You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
