I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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