3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize