I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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