THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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