im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my phone needs a breathalizer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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