did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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