and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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