don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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